Tuesday, October 03, 2006
"and so in your own little mentality you assume that by making small talk and miss yous will just fix everything. you're dead wrong."
it's not because i want to act as if everything's fine and dandy and we're talking like friends all of a sudden happily chatting away.
i know what i've done and it hurts you to even to think about it in the first place.
but it's not as if i deliberately did it to you to spite you.
not at all. not a single bit.
i had my wrongdoings, and i know you're capable of naming all of them, what the hell, categorising them in the different magnitudes even. i know for the person you are.
"i may forget farhan, but i never forgive. never"
indeed change is a simple word to say yet hard to acheive. but it's never impossible for anyone.
now that's just plain bollocks. because, accepting is one thing. BUT, sitting and swallowing and letting him step all over your head and then conveniently shitting on it while he's at it, is a whole different matter altogether
shitting on one's head is something i don't want to do either. but to you, perhaps it seemed that way. but yes, the person to blame is me. for not showing you enough. not showing you enough to prove to you that you are indeed. the 'one'.
the reason why i make small talk. partly the reason is because i want to reconcile with you. i don't want you to bear the grudge against me forever. but yes, to what i mentioned above, you forget. but never forgive.
but from here, i guess i don't even have the chance to try anymore. i don't even have the chance to click on you on msn, don't even mention about calling or texting.
if this post is just going to instil more hate into you. it seems that whatever i do just makes you hate me even more with all your heart. so i guess i'll stop here. until i'm being given the green light by you to talk. which i don't think is going to be happening any sooner.
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on a side note, today's trip to CMPB with danial at freaking 830 in the morning was nothing but a terrible waste because his medical check-up isn't due until the 13th. feeling all gutted and wet, because it rained, i just randomly decided that we should go to ikea.
it was pretty fruitful i must say.
my desk is looking more neater and organized with the stuff i bought from there.
oh. did i mention that i just brought a measly 10 dollars? hohoho. i'm advertising how cheap ikea actually is.
